A Little Ditty from Each of Us

Thoughts from Mel: This is our 14th post, and ironically we’ve been waiting for 14 months since the finalization of our homestudy. I took some time to look back and read the previous 13 posts, and WOW! We have come a long way!!! We might not yet have a baby in our arms, but we have persevered, celebrated, grown, mourned, questioned, processed, and learned some lessons we THOUGHT we knew that we were, in fact, quite far from learning.

My biggest take-away from the past 14 months? God is trustworthy. More than I could ever express, I have confidence in Him. He sees the future, the big picture, and the entire story of our lives, and it’s a good story. A REALLY good story.  It’s good because it’s His. And that story includes His long-awaited baby for us… in HIS time. I wouldn’t want anything more or anything less than the story God Himself is writing through our lives. Just because His story has not yet introduced a newborn baby doesn’t mean He doesn’t love us, or that He doesn’t care about our desires, or that He doesn’t understand what we need. He loves, cares, and understands more that we could ever imagine.  He is good, and I trust Him.

Our case worker told us from the beginning to always be honest with our friends and family about what we need and don’t need, so here goes:

• We need your prayers.  Anything God leads you to pray for us, pray it!  We appreciate them more than anything else right now.

• We need to know that you care about us.  Don’t hesitate to tell us, to ask us questions about how we’re doing, or to send an email, text, or Facebook message with words of encouragement. God has used your words of affirmation and strength to carry us through some very difficult moments, so keep ‘em coming!

• We don’t mind your questions!  Adoption is a crazy and often confusing journey, and we love to talk about ours. Yes, there are some things that are private due to confidentiality restrictions and choosing to honor birthparents and their children, but we will graciously tell you if we are unable to share certain information with you. It doesn’t bother us that you ask!

• If we laugh about parts of our adoption journey, feel free to laugh with us! There are simply some awkward moments that are flippin’ hilarious, and it’s good to see the humor in things.

• If you hear/know of someone experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, and they have voiced consideration in making an adoption plan but don’t know where to turn, YES, please tell us about it (with their permission first, of course)!  Just because we are using an agency, our case worker still highly encourages us to network and get our story out there.  They will come alongside of us in any way possible to help us form our family.

We are completely happy with our agency, Bethany Christian Services, as they have done a tremendous job serving us, encouraging us, opening up additional options for adoption that we didn’t know existed, and have proven to be an excellent group of people committed to walking with us until we find a match (and beyond!)  We have had many opportunities cross our paths in these 14 months, and although none of them have been “the one,” we know our “one” will come.  If you, or someone you know, is ever interested in hearing more about Bethany, please ask!  We have nothing but good to say about them!

There is so much more I could write, but I will stop for now.  I love you all, and I welcome your thoughts and comments on our journey.  Because of you, Baby Hendrickson is going to be one loved little person!

Thoughts from John: So, I wanted to write a blog update. I figured that Mel would give you some of the practical details, so I thought I’d just give you a glimpse into what’s been going on in my mind and heart lately. Enter at your own risk. :)

I can’t say that I have always dreamed of being a dad. It’s not that I didn’t want to be one; it just wasn’t really a dream of mine. It has always been sort of a foregone conclusion – pretty much a basic part of life, from what I’ve seen. Having to wait longer for it to take place, and having it take place in unexpected ways, has been quite the journey. I have been learning the true definition of the word “wait.”

There’s a huge difference between simply defining a word, and having to live it out. I have been learning that the real parts of life – the meaningful parts – are much more about living out certain words than simply defining the concepts behind them. I don’t mind the word “wait” when it’s just a concept. But the lived, fleshed-out version is a lot more difficult, and involves a lot more of my character, my heart, and my soul. A similar thing can be said for words like “marriage,” “sacrifice,” “discipline,” “commitment,” and “faith.” As concepts they have one meaning, but when they are lived out, they are different, they are challenging, they reveal character strengths and flaws, they remind me of the depths my own selfishness, and they force me to remain humble and teachable (or to choose to become bitter and angry).

And waiting has shown up in so many ways. We waited monthly to see if we were pregnant. We waited to see if the doctors could explain anything. The baby clothes we bought when we first began are nearly seven years old. Many of our friends, who began families after we started trying, now have multiple children, some of whom are already in their elementary school years. We waited as we chose an adoption agency; and waited to go through the home study process. And now, for the past 14 months, we have waited for the baby that God has for us. I feel like we have a “wait” problem (pun…sorry…coping mechanism).

The word “wait,” in all its complexity and difficulty, is one of the words that God has been most using to teach me. As someone who seeks to follow Jesus (“follow” is another one of those words), I have become more and more aware of how much God wants to continually transform my character. The more I follow, the more often he points out the pieces of my life that he wants to transform. He reveals the rough and dark parts of my character that he wants to chisel away and smooth out, so that I can be more of who he originally created me to be: someone who bears his image and reflects that image to the rest of creation. God is far more interested in my transformation than my happiness. He’s far more interested in developing me than placating me. He’s far more interested in listening to my questions than giving me answers. Oh, and he loves me.

As it turns out, God’s love and my waiting are intertwined. They are not mutually exclusive of one another -- they are the means by which he is transforming me (us). Having spent countless hours with friends who do have children, I have seen how God is using that experience to chisel you. And, to be honest, there are many days where I wouldn’t trade with you. :) (It’s funny sometimes how God chisels us, whether he gives us what we want or withholds it).

I guess I better wrap this up--the caffeine is wearing off, and I’m running out of steam. I just want to say thank you. Thanks for being our friends, for praying with us, and for walking with us in this journey. I can’t wait to see what God has in store. Well, actually, I guess I can. :)

An Uneventful Update

Hello Friends and Family,

It’s been quite some time since we last updated our blog. We kept hoping that our next update would be one of those monumental, celebrate-the-good-news types of updates. But now that several months have passed, we felt like we needed to give you a quick update so that you at least knew where we are.

We’re waiting. Some days it’s discouraging, some days it’s wonderful, some days it’s confusing, and some days it makes perfect sense. We often struggle to understand what God is up to, and yet are consistently reassured that we can trust Him.

We’re just about at the six-month mark in our waiting. While we have had a couple possibilities role our way, we have not yet had any “matches.” Our case worker told us that the average wait time for adoptive parents is 9-12 months, but there’s really no “normal.” Every case is so uniquely different, just like every child is so uniquely different, and so the whole process is an unexpected journey. You can say that again. So, we continue to wait (im)patiently with hope.

One of our favorite shows on television is Parenthood, and, among the numerous entertaining storylines, there is currently an adoption story unfolding there. If you’ve never seen the show, it’s a tremendously well done mix of drama and comedy. It currently airs Tuesdays at 10pm (EST), but you can watch re-runs online on NBC’s website anytime.

We’ll try to update you a little sooner next time--maybe in a month or so instead of five months. :) Thank you so much for your support and your prayers. We pray that God would continue to bless you and your families.

~ John and Mel

Glow-in-the-Dark Monkeys

We decided we wanted a creative name for this post. This is what we came up with. Sorry, there really are no monkeys involved, and certainly none that glow.

You have been so supportive over the past few weeks as we have officially started waiting for a placement. We’ve probably gotten more questions, had more people stop to ask about the waiting, and had even more tell us that they are praying for us than ever before. Thank you for your investment in our lives!

There are a few topics we thought we should address, so here goes!

Situation Letters – Yes, we have begun to receive situation letters. Our case worker is unable to tell us how often to expect them as she doesn’t want to set expectations. There is no news to report today as there have been no “matches” for us yet, but we covet your continued prayers as this stage of the waiting game might prove to be one of the most challenging. As a reminder, we are unable to discuss our situation letters due to confidentiality policies with our agency. (Please see our additional comments on situation letters in the previous post titled “Approved & Waiting.”)

Where you can help – Just because we are already in the process with Bethany Christian Services does not mean that we are not open to finding a baby outside of their networks. We are still very much open to adopting a child that one of you might know is about to enter the world. If someone you know experiences an unplanned pregnancy and would consider placing their baby in an adoptive home, please feel free to tell them about us (and with their permission, tell us about them). Our agency actually encourages us to keep our eyes open for possible placements as there are always more adoptive families waiting than there are infants available for placement.

Adoption Costs – The largest chunk of our adoption fees are still ahead of us. God has blessed us GREATLY as we continue to set aside resources for our big day. But since many of you have asked, yes, we are still saving towards our final costs that will be due at placement.

If you have questions about any of the above topics, please email us. Our new email addresses, which are listed in the margins, have changed thanks to Daybreak’s server malfunction (perhaps that is where the glow-in-the-dark monkeys are?) Thanks again for waiting with us! :)

Approved & Waiting

Nine weeks ago we completed the final interview of our home study and were told to wait for the paperwork to be finalized. As of yesterday, we have officially been approved and could not be more excited!

Now that we are in a new stage of the journey, there have been new questions that many of you are asking about the process. So we’ve decided to create “round 2” of FAQ’s. Feel free to email us more questions if we didn’t cover something you were wondering about. (If you never read “round 1” of FAQ’s, scroll through to earlier posts and look for the post from September 8, 2010.)

Now that the home study is finalized, what’s next? GREAT question! We will now start receiving “situation letters” via email from our agency about children awaiting adoption. We’re told that these emails include as much about the child and his/her parents as possible (child’s due date, gender, race/ethnicity, health, family of origin details, etc.) From that situation letter, we choose whether or not we would like to be considered as adoptive parents. If we say “yes,” then the birthparents are given permission to view our profile. From all of the profiles they view, they choose one couple, sometimes more, whom they would like to meet in person. If they choose us, we then have the privilege of meeting the birthparents, and they make their final decisions about us from there.

How many profiles do the birthparents view? Anywhere between 2 and 30. It just depends on the number of adoptive families who say “yes” to the situation letter.

How long could it really take for you to have a baby placed in your family? Well, we honestly have no idea. We wish we did! We know couples who have waited 3 weeks, and we know couples who are still waiting after over a year. This is the part when we really have to trust that God has the right child ready for us in His perfect timing, no matter how long it takes.

Has the baby already been born when you are chosen? No…well, not typically. Birthmoms are often 6-8 months pregnant when they first look at profiles. More than likely, when we first meet our birthparents, they will still have a few months left in their pregnancy.

What exactly is a profile, and can we see it? In order to honor the journey of both our child and our birthparents, we have chosen not to show our profile to others. However, we CAN tell you what a profile is. Our profile is a 10 page “scrapbook” of our lives. It includes a letter from us to our birthparents, pictures of our immediate family and closest friends, and a glimpse of what our lives are like including where we live, where we work, and what we enjoy doing in our free time.

What about the Situation Letters? Can we see those? Again, out of respect for the people involved and due to confidentiality agreements, we are unable to show you or talk about the situation letters we receive.

Do you guys have your nursery ready yet? Not yet. We’ve chosen to wait to prepare all the nitty gritties until our baby is here. We have a few of the baby basics so that we’re ready to welcome home a newborn at any time, but we’ll be waiting to finish our nursery until he/she has officially arrived.

Where is your baby coming from? Just a reminder, we have chosen to adopt domestically. Our agency attempts to keep adoptions within each state, though it is not required. So more than likely, our child will be born in PA. However, we are very much open to an “out-of-state adoption.” This would involve travel and dealing with two state’s adoption laws. Some couples choose to not be open these, but we are.

Do you have names picked out? Well, as any new parents do, we have talked a lot about names. However, our naming uniquely involves the consideration of two other adults, and we would like to name our child with the birthparents. Naming an adopted child together with the birthparents has proven to be a positive experience not only for both sets of parents, but also for the child once he/she is old enough to know where their name came from. Naming a child is an act of love, and knowing that their birthparents loved them so much that they even helped to name them is a gift we would love to give to our children.

Will you be able to be at the hospital for the birth? Maybe. That is up to the birthparents. Every birthmother chooses her own hospital plan with the help of her case worker. Some will choose to invite the adoptive mother all the way into the delivery room. Some will choose to invite the couple to her room after delivery. Some will choose to invite us to the hospital the next day to give herself a day to recover and have some personal time with her baby. Regardless, we will likely arrive at the hospital SOMEtime before the birthmother and baby are discharged. The hospital is where custody is given to us as the goal of our agency is always that adoptive parents leave the hospital with the child.

We completely welcome your questions and enjoy talking about this journey we are on. So please feel free to talk to us more!

Home Study Complete!

This afternoon at 1:00 PM, our case worker entered our home to complete the third and final interview of our home study. By 3:15 PM we were saying our thank you’s and goodbye’s and taking a huge deep breath, acknowledging that our next step was now complete!

But we have another new step…making a profile for potential birthparents to read. This is going to be the fun part as we will combine pictures of our lives with a letter to birthparents. The profile will include introductions, things we like to do, family and friends, a snapshot of our personalities, and anything else we would like them to know as they take some of their first brave steps in choosing a couple to parent their child.

While we work on preparing our profile, our case worker will finalize our home study. This process will take approximately 8 weeks, and then we will be available for a placement! So if you’re doing the math with us, that means we could be chosen and receive a placement anytime after the beginning of July. Please be reminded that the average couple waits between 9 months – 1 year, so we really have no idea when we will actually have a baby in our home. But we continue to trust that God knows the exact timing of the exact little one who will be joining our family.

Two Down, One to Go!

This past Monday we traveled back to Lancaster to complete the second interview of our home study. While our first interview was conducted with the two of us together, this one had us separated, each of us individually meeting with our case worker while the other one watched a video of a successful adoption story. We love our case worker, and so the entire morning was encouraging for both of us to answer questions about our life (and watch that video!)

So here is what we know…

- Our third and final home study interview is scheduled for Monday, May 2nd. That interview will be in our home.

- Once the third interview is completed, our case worker will need about one month to finalize our paperwork.

- Once our paperwork is finalized, hopefully by June 1st, we start the wait!

- Just as a reminder, this is then the time when we start to receive “Information Letters” about birth families and the infants for whom they are making an adoption plan. We have the option of having our profile shown to the birth parents (or not). For every profile shown to birth parents, they then choose a couple (or two) they would like to meet in person. And it continues from there!

Again, THANK YOU for all of your love and support through this entire journey. We’re convinced that we have the best friends and family in the whole world!

Adoption Vocabulary

This journey has been a huge learning curve for us, and one of the many things we have had to work on is how we talk about our adoption. We have received some great coaching tips on things to say/not say, ways to talk about our journey, how to avoid offensive language, etc. Since we are still in the early stages of learning these things, we thought we’d share it with each of you, too. :) (If you have any questions behind the reasoning for these suggestions, feel free to email us at our addresses in the margin.)

Rather than: Real parent(s)/ Natural parent(s)
It is suggested: Birth parent(s), Birth mother, Birth father/ Biological parent(s)

Rather than: Unwed mother
It is suggested: Single parent

Rather than: Real child
It is suggested: Birth child

Rather than: Illegitimate child
It is suggested: Child of unmarried parents

Rather than: Put up for adoption/ Give up for adoption
It is suggested: Make an adoption plan/ Choose adoption

Rather than: Is adopted
It is suggested: Was adopted

Rather than: Keep a child
It is suggested: Parent a child

Rather than: Hard to place child
It is suggested: Child with special placement needs

Rather than: Unwanted pregnancy
It is suggested: Unplanned, unintended, or untimely pregnancy

Rather than: Find parents
It is suggested: Search for birth parents

Rather than: Foreign adoption
It is suggested: Inter-country adoption

Rather than: Adoptee
It is suggested: Someone who was adopted

Rather than: Do you have any children of your own?
It is suggested: Do you have any biological children?

Our First Interview

We apologize that this update has been so long in coming, but there really has not been much to report until now. Mel has been doing a lot of traveling over the past few weeks, including a vacation that we took together to celebrate our 10-year anniversary (which is in May). We’ve had an incredible start to this year, and now we are finally diving in to all things adoption!

This past Wednesday, we had our first official home study interview in Lancaster. It was a great opportunity to get to know our case worker, as she asked us questions about our jobs, our relationship, our finances, and a few other things. She also gave us a whole bunch of new paperwork that we will need to complete before our second interview on March 14. Please be praying that the details will continue to fall into place as we take care of this important paperwork. We have some decisions to make and some specifics to take care of before the second interview.

We are really excited to be in the midst of the process and continue to trust God as we follow him into an unknown (by us) future. Thanks so much for your encouragement and prayers! We will update you much sooner next time!

What’s Next? The Home Study, and then a Placement!

During this first of what will probably be many waiting periods, you have been asking us some good questions about our home study. Once about 87 of you ask the same questions, we realize that it’s time to update our blog. (We love the questions, so keep them coming!)

What is a home study? I’ll let adoption.com give you their definition: The purpose of the home study is to help the court determine whether the adoptive parents are qualified to adopt a child, based on the criteria that have been established by state law. Basically, we need to fulfill a whole bunch of requirements before we become legally available for adoption. Each state has their own laws, so we will obviously need to follow the laws for the state of Pennsylvania.

What all is involved in a home study, and why does it take 3-5 months to complete? The home study is often referred to as “the paperwork pregnancy.” There is LOTS of paperwork! Here is a sampling of some of the things we need to complete in our home study process:

* References – Six references are completed and returned:
o Three from close friends
o One from each of our bosses (we happen to have the same boss :))
o One pastoral reference

* Three Interviews with Agency Staff – The agency likes to meet with us together and separately:
o A joint interview at the agency office
o Individual interviews at the agency office
o A joint interview in our home – This interview is NOT about making sure we keep house like Mary Poppins. :) It’s simply about making sure that we live in a clean, safe environment, and that we have room for a child.

* A Litany of Paperwork – They weren’t joking when they said “paperwork pregnancy.” Check out some of the other stuff we need to complete:
o State and Federal Clearances
o Medical Histories
o An updated will, including legal guardians for our new baby
o Marital Self Study – Sample questions include:
* When did you first start thinking about adoption and why?
* How would you describe yourself when you were a child?
* What do you admire about your spouse?
o Additional legal documents we won’t bore you with here…

* Required Reading – There are four books that Bethany requires each of their domestic infant families to read. Cool!

So you can imagine, after we’ve taken the time to set up appointments, fill out forms, meet with lawyers, case workers and financial consultants, 3-5 months will fill up pretty quickly.

What happens next after the home study? Once we have the final stamp of approval on our home study, we are ready for a placement. Every agency is different in how they handle placements. Here’s how Bethany does it:

1. Every adopting family completes a profile for birthparents. A profile is a scrapbook of pictures and information on who we are, what we believe, what we desire in our family. Birthparents will then get to view our profile later in the process.

2. A Bethany case worker has been meeting with a birthmother/parents for several months – sometimes less, sometimes more.

3. When that birthmother reaches her 6-7 months pregnant mark, and she is still voicing a desire to make an adoption plan for her baby, the case worker writes a “Situation Letter,” describing everything we are allowed to know about the birthmother, birthfather, and the baby himself. This non-identifying information will include:
* Age, health history, race, and other notable information on the birthmother
* Age, health history, race, and other notable information on the birthfather
* Known health, race, and gender of the child
* Desires for openness in adoption and ongoing relationship with us and the child throughout the child’s life

(SPECIAL NOTE: During the first 7 months of pregnancy, most expecting mothers will choose to parent vs. choosing to make an adoption plan.)

4. We receive the Situation Letter in an email, as do all of the other couples who have completed their domestic infant home study with Bethany.

5. We then read and pray through the Situation Letter and decide if we would like our profile to be shown to that birthmother.

6. The birthmother reviews the profiles of those of us who have given our permission, and she chooses 1-3 couples that she would like to meet in person.

7. After meeting us in person, she has a choice whether or not to continue her adoption plan with us. Is she says “yes,” then we have the opportunity to meet again before the baby arrives.

(SPECIAL NOTE: There are lots of details we are leaving out from this meeting. Maybe we can fill in more details in our next blog…)

8. The birthmother makes a hospital plan
a. Would she like us to be there for the birth?
b. Would she prefer we wait to arrive until later that day? The next day?

How long will you wait for a placement? Essentially what most of you have meant with this question is, “How long do you have to wait for a birthmother to choose you?” Now THAT is the question of the hour. WE HAVE NO IDEA!!! It could take one month, one year, even up to three years, which is how long our home study is “good” for. Most couples receive a placement within 18 months, but there is really no telling how long we will wait. It is all about God’s timing and placing His child into our family in just the right time.

THANK YOU! We hope this update has helped to answer some of your questions about our next 3-5 months. We love you guys! Thanks for reading all of this!

We've Decided!

After weeks of online research, many chats with friends and those who have adopted before, and visits to three local adoption agencies, we have prayerfully decided to partner with Bethany Christian Services for our adoption. Our formal application has been accepted, we have already attended a 5-hour education class, and we were just informed that our home study can begin in January. Typical home studies take between 3-5 months to complete. At the completion of our home study, we will be ready for an infant placement.

The beautiful part about Bethany’s placement process is that the birth parents have the freedom to choose who they want to parent their child. Expecting mothers/fathers will look at our profile (when the birth mother is approximately 7 months pregnant) and ask to meet us before making their final decision.

Once our home study is complete, we have no idea how long we will wait for a placement. It is completely out of our control, and we are continuing to trust God for His perfect timing and His perfect child for us.

Feel free to post comments or send us questions throughout the holidays. We will probably not have new information to post until our home study begins… but who knows?!!

Agency Visits

We realize that it’s been a while since our last post, but there are now a few things we can let you all know.

Two weeks ago we attended an information meeting at one of our potential adoption agencies. It was a great meeting and we walked away having learned a lot about the adoption process. This week, we have meetings at two more agencies (one on Wednesday night, and one on Thursday afternoon). After learning about the values and processes of all three agencies, we will be praying through making the all-important decision on which agency to use. We appreciate your prayers in the coming weeks as we make this decision.

As soon as we know anything, we’ll be sure to update you! Thanks for everything, guys!

P.S. One of the most important issues that we are considering in our decision is how well the birth mother (and birth father) are taken care of during the process. We have grown to care very much about their care and want to know that our resources are being well-stewarded toward their physical, emotional, and spiritual care.

FAQ's

Below are some of the recurring questions we are often asked. We hope our responses help! (Please feel free to follow up with us with any additional questions you have that were not addressed here…)

Do you have to use an agency to adopt a child? Can’t you just do it on your own?
Adopting a child involves an incredible amount of planning, paperwork, legal transactions, background checks, counseling and training, and the list continues! But possibly one of the most careful decisions that is made in an adoption journey is the permanent connection made between the birth parents and the adopting family. What child is right for what family? Do the birth parents feel confident in their decision for a particular couple to raise their child forever? These connections are difficult to make without the help of a third party. They are so difficult, in fact, that most expecting parents find a great deal of comfort in using the trusted services of an adoption agency. This affords them not only the opportunity to choose an adoptive family from a long list of waiting families, but it also promises them the proper care needed during one of the most challenging and difficult times in their life.

We, as well, find a great deal of comfort in using the services of a trusted adoption agency. We know that we will be taken care of legally, emotionally, and spiritually, and value the full scope of care that we will be given both to us and our birth family.

There are ways, however, that an agency is not required for adoption. If we were to find out about the availability of a child open for adoption through a friend or family member, we could hire an adoption lawyer directly to take care of all of the legal requirements needed for the adoption. This would obviously necessitate a personal connection between us and an expecting couple. Although we are very much open to such an opportunity, these connections are quite rare. And so, we are choosing to use a private agency to help match us with our forever child.

Have you thought about going through the foster care system? Aren’t they free?
There are thousands of children waiting for adoptions through our state and nation’s foster care system. And yes, this typically comes at little to no cost to the adopting family. Although the cost of an adoption through the foster care system is definitely inviting, most of the other factors involved in the fost-to-adopt program does not currently fit our desires for baby #1. Without going into the full details of the fost-to-adopt system, it is highly unlikely that a newborn would be available for immediate adoption. The goal of the foster care system is always to reunite a child(ren) with their birth parents. A child in the foster care system only becomes available for adoption when it has been determined that there is little to no chance of that reunion ever happening. Infants, as compared to older children, have a much higher rate of being reunited with their parent(s) or next of kin.

Because of our desire to adopt an infant, combined with a few other factors affecting our unavailability to foster first, we have determined that the foster care system is not right for us for our first adoption. We would, however, greatly consider this option in the future.

SPECIAL NOTE: If you are at all interested in becoming a foster parent or adopting a child through a fost-to-adopt program, please visit SWAN (Statewide Adoption and Permanency Network) at http://www.adoptpakids.org. There are so many children still waiting for a forever family! If you live outside of PA, check your local state or county’s website for fostering and adoption information.

Have you ever wondered if your adopted child will look like you? That seems to happen a lot with other families!
Well, we’re fairly certain that our little baby will not look like us. We are hoping for a non-white child. Let us tell you why…

Throughout history there have constantly been tensions between people of different ethnicities, social backgrounds, religious preferences, you name it. Humanity seems to be threatened by anyone who is slightly different than us. Some of these differences and tensions are minor and are successfully worked through within countries, people groups, neighborhoods, families, etc. But some of these tensions have led to serious divisions that have resulted in war, genocide, slavery, abuse, racial prejudices, and the list goes on.

There is a verse in the Bible that I (Mel) have adopted as one of my favorites, if not my very favorite. It’s from a story when Jesus’ disciples are asking Jesus how to pray. Jesus gives them a model prayer, but it’s more than just a model… it communicates a great deal of God’s heart for his children. The verse is from Matthew 6:10, and it says, “Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Jesus is essentially instructing His disciples to pray for God’s will, that just as it will be one day in heaven, pray that it will be that way now here on earth. Well, in heaven there will be no hunger, no pain, no abuse, no war, no hatred, no prejudices, no distinction between ethnicities, social status, skin color, etc. People will come together as one family, as brothers and sisters that serve one God. In heaven, love will rule above differences. In fact, we believe that the only differences we notice in each other in heaven will be the ones that make us celebrate because we’ll fully recognize that God is so creative in uniquely making each of us different.

So with a desire to bring a taste of heaven here on earth, we would love to raise children with different skin colors, different ethnic backgrounds, different histories.

Do you want a boy or a girl?
LOL! Great question! When a couple decides to adopt domestically, they actually have a choice in gender if they want one. On most adoption forms, we are given the choice to check boxes marked “boy” or “girl” or “either.”

If John had his choice, he would check “girl.”

If Mel had her choice, she would check “boy.”

We will probably check “either”… or “boy.” :) :) :)

How much does an adoption cost?
Adoptions range in costs from FREE – $40,000+. As described above, we won’t be landing the “free” option, but we will also not be paying the top costs of adoption. Many of those top costs come from international adoptions from specific countries whose fees are higher. We are currently expecting to pay (and trust God for!) between $15,000 - $25,000, but even those numbers could change once we get into the specifics of our particular adoption. The good news is that the federal government currently offers an Adoption Tax Credit of up to $13,170 once an adoption has been finalized. Assuming all goes smoothly with our process, we will use that credit towards adoption #2.

Sometimes the price tags on adoptions can feel a little overwhelming. If you would like to read more about the costs of adoptions, visit http://costs.adoption.com/.

What happens if, after you adopt, the birth parents want their child back? Aren’t you afraid of that happening if you agree to an open or semi-open adoption?
Are we curious that a baby placed in our home will be removed because the birth family changes their mind? Sure, who wouldn’t wonder about that? We also realize that many birth mothers change their mind as late as the hospital immediately following delivery. It happens, and that’s OK. You should know, however, that in the state of PA, there is only a 30-day window of time that a birth mother is allowed to change her mind once she has signed over permanent custody rights to another person/couple. After those 30 days have passed, there is nothing that a birth mother or birth father could ever do to retain custody. We do hope to continue an on-going relationship at some level with the birth family for a long time, but we are not concerned about “losing” our child after that 30-day finalization period.

Will your baby be a Texans or a Broncos fan?
Definitely a Texan Baby! GO HOUSTON!

International or State-side? We think we know...

We both share a deep love for our world. We both love to travel, to get to know people from other cultures, to learn about their worldviews and walks of life, and to embrace others as family. Because of these passions, we always assumed that we would adopt internationally.

However, in the past year there have been two things that have driven us to consider a domestic (state-side) adoption. Both of these things are desires that we feel God has put on our heart, and we’re excited about what these decisions will mean for our family.

An Infant
We would love to bring an infant into our home. Recognizing that every adoption agency and birth-family plan is different, we know that it’s not always possible to adopt a newborn; but in an ideal world we would bring a baby home from the hospital. Typically in international adoptions, even if the process moves quickly and efficiently, your baby is often 6-9 months old already. The probability of bringing home an infant from the States, however, is very high. If you request one, you will often get one.

Relationship with the Birth Parents
Open adoptions have historically carried a scary stigma that tends to cause adopting couples and their families to fear the unknowns. We have learned that open and semi-open adoptions do not have to be scary and in fact are proven to typically be the very best for the birth parents, adopting parents, and the child as well. We look forward to getting to know our child’s parents and are already praying for a healthy, open relationship with them. (For more information on open and semi-open adoptions, click on the links provided to start your research from a trusted adoption agency. This is not necessarily the agency we will be using.)

Considering both of the above desires, we feel God leading us to pursue a domestic infant adoption.

Thanks so much for your prayers and support as we made one of our first of many big decisions!

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How It All Began

Hello, everyone! This is John and Mel! If you are reading this, it means that you have a vested interest in our journey towards adoption and starting a family. Thank you for coming to this site. Your support through even reading our story is a huge encouragement to us. Our story is simply the story that God Himself is writing in our lives, and we have come to believe whole-heartedly that His story is good, that His plans and purposes for our lives are good, and that He is a God who can be trusted. Although the story He is choosing for us has had its challenges, we have learned to fully embrace it and count it a privilege to share the coming weeks and months with each of you.

Our goal in maintaining this blog is to keep you informed about each step in our adoption process. We realize that there are many of you that want to know the nitty gritty details, and although we truly love to talk about what’s happening and how we are feeling each step of the way, we also recognize that it would be unrealistic to keep each one of you as informed as we would like relying only on face-to-face, phone, or email contacts (and let’s not forget Facebook, all you FB junkies out there!) That being said, we have no idea how often we will update this blog. In a busy week with lots of activity, we might update it several times. During longer waiting periods where there’s not much happening in our adoption process, you may not hear from us much at all. So feel free to check in on us as often as you like, and we thank you in advance for the grace that you will give us when our updates seem far apart.

So let’s get started at the beginning of our story…

We have been married for over 9 years and have always desired a family. LONG story short, after trying to conceive a child ourselves with no success, we were tested for all of the typical causes for infertility and learned that we are both completely healthy, being officially diagnosed with “unexplained infertility.” (We still joke about thanking the doctors for that diagnosis). After learning about our diagnosis, we were at complete peace. We knew a peace that truly was beyond our understanding. We had always talked about adopting someday. We were realizing that it might be even sooner than we thought, but we did not know what the timing of our next steps would be.

During the past 2½ years since our diagnosis, lots of things have happened. John was able to finish graduate school and now has a Masters degree in Global Leadership from Fuller Theological Seminary. Mel traveled to Peru, Louisiana (twice), Ecuador, the Middle East (twice), Senegal, Mali (three times), Mississippi (twice), and Cambodia on cross-cultural short-term teams. Three of those trips we were given the privilege of serving together, which was incredible. Needless to say we’ve been busy, and God has obviously had His own unique plans for our life.

But now… FINALLY!… we believe that God has given us the "green light" to pursue an adoption and grow our family. We are still deciding on major questions like:

• State-side adoption or International?
• Which agency will we use?

Please be praying for us as we attempt to answer these questions in the coming weeks. Once we answer those, we will be able to take the necessary steps towards meeting our first little Hendrickson.

There is so much more that we could write, but maybe we’ll save that for Blog #2. We love you all and appreciate your prayers and support soooo much! We would never be at this place were it not for you and your constant displays of love for us. Feel free to forward this blog link to anyone you feel would be encouraged by our journey.