FAQ's

Below are some of the recurring questions we are often asked. We hope our responses help! (Please feel free to follow up with us with any additional questions you have that were not addressed here…)

Do you have to use an agency to adopt a child? Can’t you just do it on your own?
Adopting a child involves an incredible amount of planning, paperwork, legal transactions, background checks, counseling and training, and the list continues! But possibly one of the most careful decisions that is made in an adoption journey is the permanent connection made between the birth parents and the adopting family. What child is right for what family? Do the birth parents feel confident in their decision for a particular couple to raise their child forever? These connections are difficult to make without the help of a third party. They are so difficult, in fact, that most expecting parents find a great deal of comfort in using the trusted services of an adoption agency. This affords them not only the opportunity to choose an adoptive family from a long list of waiting families, but it also promises them the proper care needed during one of the most challenging and difficult times in their life.

We, as well, find a great deal of comfort in using the services of a trusted adoption agency. We know that we will be taken care of legally, emotionally, and spiritually, and value the full scope of care that we will be given both to us and our birth family.

There are ways, however, that an agency is not required for adoption. If we were to find out about the availability of a child open for adoption through a friend or family member, we could hire an adoption lawyer directly to take care of all of the legal requirements needed for the adoption. This would obviously necessitate a personal connection between us and an expecting couple. Although we are very much open to such an opportunity, these connections are quite rare. And so, we are choosing to use a private agency to help match us with our forever child.

Have you thought about going through the foster care system? Aren’t they free?
There are thousands of children waiting for adoptions through our state and nation’s foster care system. And yes, this typically comes at little to no cost to the adopting family. Although the cost of an adoption through the foster care system is definitely inviting, most of the other factors involved in the fost-to-adopt program does not currently fit our desires for baby #1. Without going into the full details of the fost-to-adopt system, it is highly unlikely that a newborn would be available for immediate adoption. The goal of the foster care system is always to reunite a child(ren) with their birth parents. A child in the foster care system only becomes available for adoption when it has been determined that there is little to no chance of that reunion ever happening. Infants, as compared to older children, have a much higher rate of being reunited with their parent(s) or next of kin.

Because of our desire to adopt an infant, combined with a few other factors affecting our unavailability to foster first, we have determined that the foster care system is not right for us for our first adoption. We would, however, greatly consider this option in the future.

SPECIAL NOTE: If you are at all interested in becoming a foster parent or adopting a child through a fost-to-adopt program, please visit SWAN (Statewide Adoption and Permanency Network) at http://www.adoptpakids.org. There are so many children still waiting for a forever family! If you live outside of PA, check your local state or county’s website for fostering and adoption information.

Have you ever wondered if your adopted child will look like you? That seems to happen a lot with other families!
Well, we’re fairly certain that our little baby will not look like us. We are hoping for a non-white child. Let us tell you why…

Throughout history there have constantly been tensions between people of different ethnicities, social backgrounds, religious preferences, you name it. Humanity seems to be threatened by anyone who is slightly different than us. Some of these differences and tensions are minor and are successfully worked through within countries, people groups, neighborhoods, families, etc. But some of these tensions have led to serious divisions that have resulted in war, genocide, slavery, abuse, racial prejudices, and the list goes on.

There is a verse in the Bible that I (Mel) have adopted as one of my favorites, if not my very favorite. It’s from a story when Jesus’ disciples are asking Jesus how to pray. Jesus gives them a model prayer, but it’s more than just a model… it communicates a great deal of God’s heart for his children. The verse is from Matthew 6:10, and it says, “Your kingdom come, Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Jesus is essentially instructing His disciples to pray for God’s will, that just as it will be one day in heaven, pray that it will be that way now here on earth. Well, in heaven there will be no hunger, no pain, no abuse, no war, no hatred, no prejudices, no distinction between ethnicities, social status, skin color, etc. People will come together as one family, as brothers and sisters that serve one God. In heaven, love will rule above differences. In fact, we believe that the only differences we notice in each other in heaven will be the ones that make us celebrate because we’ll fully recognize that God is so creative in uniquely making each of us different.

So with a desire to bring a taste of heaven here on earth, we would love to raise children with different skin colors, different ethnic backgrounds, different histories.

Do you want a boy or a girl?
LOL! Great question! When a couple decides to adopt domestically, they actually have a choice in gender if they want one. On most adoption forms, we are given the choice to check boxes marked “boy” or “girl” or “either.”

If John had his choice, he would check “girl.”

If Mel had her choice, she would check “boy.”

We will probably check “either”… or “boy.” :) :) :)

How much does an adoption cost?
Adoptions range in costs from FREE – $40,000+. As described above, we won’t be landing the “free” option, but we will also not be paying the top costs of adoption. Many of those top costs come from international adoptions from specific countries whose fees are higher. We are currently expecting to pay (and trust God for!) between $15,000 - $25,000, but even those numbers could change once we get into the specifics of our particular adoption. The good news is that the federal government currently offers an Adoption Tax Credit of up to $13,170 once an adoption has been finalized. Assuming all goes smoothly with our process, we will use that credit towards adoption #2.

Sometimes the price tags on adoptions can feel a little overwhelming. If you would like to read more about the costs of adoptions, visit http://costs.adoption.com/.

What happens if, after you adopt, the birth parents want their child back? Aren’t you afraid of that happening if you agree to an open or semi-open adoption?
Are we curious that a baby placed in our home will be removed because the birth family changes their mind? Sure, who wouldn’t wonder about that? We also realize that many birth mothers change their mind as late as the hospital immediately following delivery. It happens, and that’s OK. You should know, however, that in the state of PA, there is only a 30-day window of time that a birth mother is allowed to change her mind once she has signed over permanent custody rights to another person/couple. After those 30 days have passed, there is nothing that a birth mother or birth father could ever do to retain custody. We do hope to continue an on-going relationship at some level with the birth family for a long time, but we are not concerned about “losing” our child after that 30-day finalization period.

Will your baby be a Texans or a Broncos fan?
Definitely a Texan Baby! GO HOUSTON!