Approved & Waiting

Nine weeks ago we completed the final interview of our home study and were told to wait for the paperwork to be finalized. As of yesterday, we have officially been approved and could not be more excited!

Now that we are in a new stage of the journey, there have been new questions that many of you are asking about the process. So we’ve decided to create “round 2” of FAQ’s. Feel free to email us more questions if we didn’t cover something you were wondering about. (If you never read “round 1” of FAQ’s, scroll through to earlier posts and look for the post from September 8, 2010.)

Now that the home study is finalized, what’s next? GREAT question! We will now start receiving “situation letters” via email from our agency about children awaiting adoption. We’re told that these emails include as much about the child and his/her parents as possible (child’s due date, gender, race/ethnicity, health, family of origin details, etc.) From that situation letter, we choose whether or not we would like to be considered as adoptive parents. If we say “yes,” then the birthparents are given permission to view our profile. From all of the profiles they view, they choose one couple, sometimes more, whom they would like to meet in person. If they choose us, we then have the privilege of meeting the birthparents, and they make their final decisions about us from there.

How many profiles do the birthparents view? Anywhere between 2 and 30. It just depends on the number of adoptive families who say “yes” to the situation letter.

How long could it really take for you to have a baby placed in your family? Well, we honestly have no idea. We wish we did! We know couples who have waited 3 weeks, and we know couples who are still waiting after over a year. This is the part when we really have to trust that God has the right child ready for us in His perfect timing, no matter how long it takes.

Has the baby already been born when you are chosen? No…well, not typically. Birthmoms are often 6-8 months pregnant when they first look at profiles. More than likely, when we first meet our birthparents, they will still have a few months left in their pregnancy.

What exactly is a profile, and can we see it? In order to honor the journey of both our child and our birthparents, we have chosen not to show our profile to others. However, we CAN tell you what a profile is. Our profile is a 10 page “scrapbook” of our lives. It includes a letter from us to our birthparents, pictures of our immediate family and closest friends, and a glimpse of what our lives are like including where we live, where we work, and what we enjoy doing in our free time.

What about the Situation Letters? Can we see those? Again, out of respect for the people involved and due to confidentiality agreements, we are unable to show you or talk about the situation letters we receive.

Do you guys have your nursery ready yet? Not yet. We’ve chosen to wait to prepare all the nitty gritties until our baby is here. We have a few of the baby basics so that we’re ready to welcome home a newborn at any time, but we’ll be waiting to finish our nursery until he/she has officially arrived.

Where is your baby coming from? Just a reminder, we have chosen to adopt domestically. Our agency attempts to keep adoptions within each state, though it is not required. So more than likely, our child will be born in PA. However, we are very much open to an “out-of-state adoption.” This would involve travel and dealing with two state’s adoption laws. Some couples choose to not be open these, but we are.

Do you have names picked out? Well, as any new parents do, we have talked a lot about names. However, our naming uniquely involves the consideration of two other adults, and we would like to name our child with the birthparents. Naming an adopted child together with the birthparents has proven to be a positive experience not only for both sets of parents, but also for the child once he/she is old enough to know where their name came from. Naming a child is an act of love, and knowing that their birthparents loved them so much that they even helped to name them is a gift we would love to give to our children.

Will you be able to be at the hospital for the birth? Maybe. That is up to the birthparents. Every birthmother chooses her own hospital plan with the help of her case worker. Some will choose to invite the adoptive mother all the way into the delivery room. Some will choose to invite the couple to her room after delivery. Some will choose to invite us to the hospital the next day to give herself a day to recover and have some personal time with her baby. Regardless, we will likely arrive at the hospital SOMEtime before the birthmother and baby are discharged. The hospital is where custody is given to us as the goal of our agency is always that adoptive parents leave the hospital with the child.

We completely welcome your questions and enjoy talking about this journey we are on. So please feel free to talk to us more!